Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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