Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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