how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
