Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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