dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
