wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
