He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
