I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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