i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
