Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
