Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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