for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am naked and annoyed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
