Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
