He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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