Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
