It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
