Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We have started to decorate penises.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
