Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
