Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
