This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is my gift to your gina
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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