guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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