Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We are two peas in an std pod
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
