On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
