If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
