i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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