One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
