i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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