So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
