A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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