she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
