and she was petting her beer can
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
