And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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