Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if only i could text you this smell
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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