i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
