i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
