i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
