i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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