It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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