That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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