I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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