Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
