He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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