Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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