I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
