I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
