Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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