Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
