Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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