no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
