I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
