The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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