Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
