So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Congratulations! We have a period
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