Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
